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Posts Tagged ‘Language’

Baby Talk

Why, for the love of Pete, did I teach her to say “up”? Every time she sees me, it’s “up.” Even when she’s in my arms, it’s “up.” She’s sitting at my feet as I type, playing with her shoes, saying, “Up, up, up, up, up, up…” Wouldn’t it have been better if I had taught her to say, “Would you please be so kind as to lift me into your arms for a moment, mummy?”? Instead of teaching her to sign “more”, I could have taught her, “Mightn’t I have another bite, please, mother dear?”. Or how about these:

“I’m finished eating. Could you please take me out of my highchair and place me gently on the floor?”
“Would you be so kind as to wipe my bum, love?” (Cockney accent included.)
“I have shat in my nappy. I need a change, please.”
“Would you please turn on C-SPAN? The president’s press conference is about to begin.”
“Could I please use the Internet? I need to check my portfolio.”

Got any more?

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