On Christmas morning, while over at my sister’s house for breakfast and present opening, my husband turned to me and said, “Before you open this present, make sure you tell me so I can get the video camera.” I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but I made sure he knew when I was ready.
As I opened the present, I wondered just what treasure could be inside that he would need to videotape the opening. Just then I looked down and saw her peeking up from inside the box. With the camera trained on my face, I looked up and shouted, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??” I grabbed the book and stood up to throw it into the lit fireplace while everyone in the room shouted, “NO, NO, NO!!” while laughing hysterically.
My husband then said, “Okay, here’s the deal: You get to destroy it any way you want as long as you let me videotape it and put it on YouTube.”
So, here’s my deal: I am going to open it up to all you nice people. Leave a comment below with suggestions about how I should destroy Sarah Palin. The most interesting idea wins a truly Alaskan prize, sent from me to you. I’ll take pictures of the destruction and post them here, as well as the link to the video.
This is my present to all of you for the loyalty and humor you’ve shown me this past year. You’ve made it sane, wonderful and bearable.
Thanks everyone, and do your worst!
A few ideas to get you started:
my 9-month old grand-niece is teething. take the cover off, and let her chew on the hard cover.
my one-month old grand-nephew is (obviously) not potty-trained. i think his daddy would appreciate a picture in the potty chair to help with the aim.
I wouldn’t destroy it at all (though I’d certainly never READ it, either!) What I would do is donate it to my public library so that people who want to read it could do so without buying it. I’d be destroying the chance for Sarah Palin to make more money, at least for a while.
Well first, it shouldn’t be fast or painless. It should be slow and miserably painful, indicative of the hell she’s put the rest of us through since August of last year.
So… why not have an exorcism! All you need is a big metal pot, (the more rustic the better), a few hot coals from the bbq and snuggle in:
Each page of her book represents one of her lies so why not burn it a page at a tme, reciting each of her lies as each of the pages burn. Some chanting wouldn’t be out of line. A few moose calls would be good, too. Dressing like a cardinal would be appropriate. With lots of gold and silver bling.
Maybe it will reverse the effects of some of her more heinous porkies – or maybe it will just feel good 🙂
We live in AZ and I would take it way out in the desert and use it as target practice and then leave the carcass for the wolves to devour.
I don’t suppose you could shoot it from a helicopter?
I live in Key West and the tradition here is for someone to go on a one way fishing trip. I’d be happy to charter a boat and help you rid yourself of the problem. 🙂
I would flush it down a public toilet in every town and city that she has set foot in. The only thing she has managed to do is fill our systems (cities, towns and states) with the “CRAP” that can’t be processed out through normal public sewage treatment plants…
I’d send it back to her with a note. Someone sent this to me by mistake. I wish that half the books that were sold were sent back to her.
I’d go green! Use the paper as compost (it serves as animal manure), add plant material and kitchen waste, and voilà… GR will be transformed into a soil conditioner.
I’d use it to line the kitty litter box. (Note that the fabrication-filled pages would serve equally well for puppy training and hamster or bird cages).
!. Think of it as Sarah’s fate for the “end times”, then:
2. Shread the pages and use it as catlitter.
3. Cut up the front and back covers for stove kindling.
a public book-burning seems most fitting , , , ,
Run over it with a bus.
Yes, it should be slow and painful. I think it should be shot in the spine, and then I would drag it through town behind my big red truck until there is nothing left but shredded rope and tiny particles blowing to the curb.
Hmmmmmmm, maybe that should be a bus that drags her through town with the picture of each person she threw under the bus pasted on each window.
My third choice would be to throw it into a revved up airplane propeller.
Take your pick.
Oh, I LOVE THIS!!!
Ideas, ideas…oh, why does defecation come to mind? Like in a bucket sort of way. No sanitary bathroom will do. Maybe let Brian take a go at it. A little revenge a la moose poop. Or as Barracuda 78 suggested, book-burning. As Palin screwed Emmonak residents out of relief during the early freeze, maybe they’d like a copy to stoke their fires. If you do that, I’d gladly send a little extra money for a s’more kit. It might as well be a party, dontcha think? 😉 You betcha.
Rock on, Mamadance!
Oh, a toasty fire is always nice!!!
That book will make good kindling….perhaps you should throw your in your husbands favorite tie…JUST TO THANK HIM FOR THAT GIFT!
Sarah Palin/Fabio 2012!
Smear it with honey and stake it over a fire ant nest.
Put it in front of a “death Panel”
Wait! I got it! Seriously, you could do a puppet theater of a “death panel” that condemns her to die–in a creative way yet to be determined by your readers—funeral pyre put on an ice floe set out to see that gets fired on with flaming arrows would resonate lovely with both native Alaskans and people of viking decent.
I’m thinking death panel of democratic bobbleheads and other liberals like Keith Olberman. He’d love it and broadcast it to the public for you.
Even more inspiration! Use clear acid that looks like water. Pour it over the book while crying out “I’M MELTING! I’M MELTING!”
Since she proclaims to be a “hockey mom” maybe take the book to an ice rink and then use it as the puck while slamming it into the walls of the rink but never makes a goal. Next take the book outside and burn it over a nice hot bonfire or if it is too cold burn outside than burn it in the fireplace and while it is burning you could add a narrative including statement that mature adults do not write books or read books with a selfish, catty, vindictive and pack full of lies one sided point of view as this book. I wouldn’t donate it to a library where some innocent person would read and not understand that this book is not the reality of a normal healthy mature adult.
Gee all of these are such great ideas, I think you should try to incorporate as many as possible. Stab the cover, cut a couple pages with scissors, a little burning, certainly a few bullets should pass through its pages, run over it with a bus, etc. The final act would be allowing someone to piss on it (I think Track would volunteer) and then the grand finale would be tossing it in the fire.
Toilet paper… that’s all it’s good for…
Do you have any furniture that needs to be leveled ? You can dishonor it by placing it under that uneven table leg..
Alternatively, you can use it as a mat upon which folks entering your home might wipe their feet….
You can use the pages for garden mulch next year…..
Or.. if you are into spiritual transformation and growth, you can use the pages to make origami like shapes….
You can keep the cover photo to udate with Dorian Grey like changes as the real thing’s ugly soul shines through..
You can bury it in a time capsule…..
You can gather with other like minded folks and their unwanted copies, have a hell of a bonfire and some singing and dancing …. Good Bye SARAH !
Happy New Year to you all–
Give it to a Pitbull to ¨play with¨…they are actually very sweet dogs, and love CHEW TOYS!
I actually found this extremely disturbing. Having had to watched my own mother smirk while destroying Bambi (leaves discussing end-of-life philosophies) A Wrinkle In Time (priest told her to) and my Troll Lords collection. Which is nearly impossible to replace! And she did this while adoring George Orwell. Go figure.
I recommend discussing the financial support of Sarah Palin with your husband… even as a joke. And binning the book quietly. Because this is NOT the way to teach your daughter how to deal with fraudulent writing.
I am so sorry that that happened to you. However, that was done for completely different reasons than this idea. Oddly enough, the things that your mother did seem to be exactly the type of things that Sarah believes are okay. It’s done out of fear, control or both. The fact that she smirked while doing so shows more abuse of power than anything. Being a parent myself, I am hyper aware of the influence and physical power that I have over my children despite days when I’m am sure that they run the house.
This destruction is not damaging someone’s prized possessions. It is the same concept as renovating a house and finally getting a chance to destroy the ugly architectural feature that has held you back from really feeling at home or shredding up your fat clothes after significant weight loss. It is done as a cathartic release of frustration which is actually a very positive lesson.
Oregonbird,
I totally understand how distasteful it must be to think about destroying any book- I myself have never in my life considered hurting a book in any way.
Keep in mind, though, that this is all in fun, and my copy of Going Rogue is a symbol of something larger than just the paper and ink. It is an opportunity for us to take out some of the anger we have for her in a way that is safe and dare I say it, fun.
I do appreciate your comments and thank you for your advice.
http://scienceblogs.com/thescian/2008/01/folkart_paper_cutout_for_2010.php
I thought of turning something ugly into something beautiful: Paper Cutouts (example at above link)
We had a Barney that was haunted, even more than the regular Barney. It’s voice box had died, thankfully. Then one night, in the middle of the night, it began to sing its horrible song, but at an inhumanely low pitch. Logan decided to perform a 12-gauge exorcism. He perched Barney on a post, then walked back about ten paces. I ran the video camera. We weren’t entirely sure what would happen. Barney simply disappeared. He completely disintegrated. It was wonderful, but alas, I forgot to push the record button. Perhaps a similar exorcism could help with your situation?
Personally – I would find a nice busy public sani-can, and drop it down the hole.
Then I would hang a sign on the door labeling that outhouse as the “SOS” sani-can … $hit on $arah. They’d probably have to empty it three times as often. No prob, just go buy another .99 special Going Rogue to drop down the can after it is cleaned each time.
Step 1)
Fashion the book cover into an envelope (any retar…….oops, I mean, any child could do it).
Step 2)
Write a letter to President Obama in support of health care for every American on the recycled paper from the pages of the book (I am assuming that the pages in this book are all blank, right?)
Step 3) Live happily ever after….
[…] 23, 2010 by Erin Back on New Year’s Eve, I put out a call for ideas on how I should destroy Sarah Palin’s book, which was given to me as a gift for […]